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The Five New Varieties of Posh

Outsider Posh

by Shane Watson | The Telegraph | August 28, 2022

You probably saw the hoo-ha about Victoria Beckham giving an online make-up class while sounding a lot like the Queen. Just kidding. Only the Queen sounds like the Queen. But there’s no doubt that Posh is putting on the posh in this video, as well as the transatlantic and the fashion “mwah mwah darling”.

Anyway, the video has caused some amusement because, while we have come a long way from Nancy Mitford’s U and non-U ratings, and the old-school posh are no longer the object of drooling curiosity (now we’re far more interested in Harry Styles and Alex Scott), class, these days, is an ever-shifting, fast-evolving thing, and it’s still pretty entertaining.

If you’re remotely interested in where you stand on the chart of posh, here are some clues. PS: we’re not including Genuine Poshos (GPs) like Camilla Parker Bowles, because they won’t be interested in their chart position, since they have no doubt of it… that being one of the defining qualities of the GPs.

How you spot them: Still dress their children as characters from AA Milne books
The poster couple for NSP are William and Kate who are redefining old-school GP (Camilla and Charles) and giving us so much new material in the process. They are downsizing to a “cottage” in Windsor (NSPs are not interested in flunkies lining the walls of dining rooms, and consider all that stuff to be very faux Downtown). They’re getting rid of the nanny (far more hands-on in the childcare department). They’re more at ease with PDAs (see William squeezy hugging at the Women’s Euro Final) and Kate has made lashings of make-up and white teeth less of a no-no. This category is evolving so fast we can barely keep up.

How you spot them: They’re usually taking a selfie
For a short cut to Fashion Posh you need only watch a couple of episodes of Absolutely Fabulous and then subtract the bad behaviour, late nights, fags, Bolly and junk food, and replace with egg-white omelettes, daily workouts, a hardcore beauty regime and posing on Instagram.

How you spot them: They worry about what people think of them
It was only this month that Hugh Grant said, “I’m really not that posh” in the context of having played a thousand posh public school types. And he is spot on. Grant is fairly posh, as in he’s the privately educated son of an officer in the Seaforth Highlanders, but crucially he exists in close proximity to GPs, so he has a good idea of what’s what and will cherry-pick the bits he fancies while keeping one foot firmly in the world of money, comfort and celebrity.

If you are this kind of posh (lots of actors are, we’d put Damian Lewis in this category too), you know how to tie a bow tie, but wear tightie whities not boxers. You (may) have school team photos in your downstairs loo (which you call a loo), but you like modern Swedish furniture. You will eat anything that is put in front of you, but have a state-of-the-art espresso machine and milk frother. You eat your own sheep, but you no longer shoot.

How you spot them: Frequently found in destination restaurants
It would save a lot of time if we cut to the chase and made MIC shorthand for groomed, no need to work (though might be a “wealth manager”), favourite word “mate”, rich people. Remember the good old days of Spencer Matthews? Spenny is now married to model Vogue Williams who had a throwdown on a recent flight from Gibraltar when a man refused to swap seats with her so she could be closer to her children and Spenny (she was across the aisle). In our opinion this is notably unposh behaviour involving as it did a) a public scene, b) micromanaging your children and c) considering a flight of under three hours to be a big deal. This story was advertised by VW as an example of how ghastly the public can be, but ended up just being a classic lesson in MICP behaviour.

MICPs differ from GPs in many ways: they feed their children sushi (rather than any old biscuits); love staying in hotels (friends’ villa); have a doodle (terrier with an Asbo); make people take their shoes off in their houses (wear wellies indoors), but mainly they panic if things don’t go precisely their way.

Woo-Woo Posh
How you spot them: No eyelash extensions
Where once they might have been a mural painter, now the WWP has branched out into wellness. You may have seen that Cressida Bonas has endorsed her cousin Octavia Anstruther-Gough-Calthorpe’s virtual breathing lessons and there you go– this is typical of the new WWP. Now they’re all doulas or healers.

Read the rest of the original article at The Telegraph